I'm a Trumper Now.

 OK, I was wrong. I expected a different result on Nov. 3rd, but—unlike so many people—I can admit a mistake and recalculate my trajectory when I realize I’ve erred. Despite my most sober projections and hopes, it looks like Donald Trump will have another term as President.

In my regrettable past, I had smugly believed that Americans would see through the made-for-TV shenanigans and vote for stability and experience in office once again. I really believed it, and, while volunteering for get-out-the-vote causes as much as I could, I projected my certainty to so many friends and family who trusted my prognostications.

 

But I was wrong. Trump looks like the winner. And in the rare cases where I contemplated this result, I sometimes jokingly made myself the promise: if Trump wins, I’ll become a supporter. It’s been such a damned hassle trying to talk and blog people into my way of thinking… And for what?

 

So, my new credo is this: Trump was (and *is*) right. I was wrong to doubt him, and I am now 1,000% percent behind our fearless leader in everything.

 

So here’s the new me:

 

I no longer believe in climate change—at least the man-made kind. This is an easy pivot for me, as I didn’t buy it as I was coming into adulthood in the 1990s. I liked cars, was—and am—a big ‘hot rodder,’ and I figured any science telling me my hobby was contrary to the popular good just *had* to be wrong. So, *yay* for my teenage id, I no longer care about or believe in manmade pollution!

 

Next, as a newly-minted Trumpite, I no longer believe in immigration, equality among the races, and so on. Again, this is a relatively easy position for me to adopt, as I’ve had strong influences for and against ‘furriners’ my whole life. On the one hand, I like most every non-white person I actually know—grew up in DC, with a couple African-American kids my best friends—and, having worked a shit-ton of low-income, menial jobs in my teenage years, I know that most immigrants really are coming here to do the work we as Americans don’t want to do. Also, I frickin’ *love* ethnic food. BUT… On the other hand, I’ve spent time in prison, where as a ‘white car’ shot caller, I saw a *whole bunch* of other-skinned people, and how they were bringing the white man down. I used to think we—us prison white guys—were unduly influenced by inherent prejudices, but today I’ve been proven wrong by my Trumper compatriots, and so I must reassess… And now I say—as far as immigrants and nonwhites go—fuck ‘em. Go ahead and tear the wetback kids from their families’ arms! Go ahead and tell Black folks who grew up here to ‘go back to the shitholes they came from.’ As good ol’ white Americans, we must *fight* to keep our country a bastion of Caucasian supremacy. (And that ‘melting pot’ thing about America being *founded* on immigration? Well, nah. That was only OK as long as we white folks wanted it to be. But they weren’t supposed to get uppity.)

 

Also, I now believe that my beloved President has truly done more for Black folks since Abraham Lincoln. For example, look at the First Step Act! (Pay no attention to the ‘Half-Step Act’ blog I wrote a couple months ago. The FSA—I now say—truly was a momentous event in criminal justice reform!

 

What else? OK, I now believe 100% in nationalism, and arbitrary trade wars. AMERICA FIRST! Fu**k the global supply chain. We don’t wants no parts of that bullshit.

 

And what else? Oh, yeah, Coronavirus. OK, I can switch my thinking on this easy, too. After all, I never liked wearing masks. Believing it’s a hoax would make my life so much easier! So, yeah, tomorrow I’m burning all my N95s. The numbers are with me—I’m young, in decent shape, and most likely, I won’t infect hardly anyone! (Sorry, Mom.)

 

Other stuff… OK, I totally don’t believe in abortion rights anymore. (Well, I always hated the idea of abortions, despite the fact that, 25 years ago, I convinced a girlfriend to have one, since I was deep into drug addiction & knew I’d prolyl wind up in jail someday & thus could not be a father.) Yes, that’s right, American women! Your bodies are now subject to the whims of Mitch McConnell’s politics, and I hereby declare that that is *exactly how it should be.*

 

Women in general are now *objects* to me—as they shoulda been all along. I stop short of saying ‘grab ‘em by the pussy,’ because that’d prolyl get me smacked at home. But it’s how I feel, deep inside, now.

 

Also, I believe now in lies. And lying itself as a legitimate form of communication. This is rough, given that I was educated as a journalist, with all the emphasis on fact-checking & non-biased observation that such training instilled in me. But nonetheless, I now recognize that I was wrong, the majority (or at least the electoral majority) was right, and I will no longer attempt to replace what my President tells me with any actual contradictory ‘facts’ that I may come across.

 

I believe that that so-called legitimate news sources are nothing but propaganda machines for the amorphous ‘enemy’ (and no matter that this election has proven said ‘enemy’ to have no real power).

 

I no longer care about our standing on the global stage; if America is to be a laughingstock  and having Russia as our best friend is what matters the most, well, Nostrovia!

 

From now on, might is right. Ignorance is to be celebrated! Knowledge is a handicap, and loyalty is paramount. (If I sound at all sarcastic, that’s just the death throes of my previous consciousness. I’ve accepted that there’s no serious way for me to survive the next four years without shedding that skin.)

 

Sorry to all those who may feel that I’m abandoning the cause. Honestly, I had long figured that, given the event of another 4 years of Trumpocracy, it’d just be easier to capitulate entirely, stop letting the frustration and anger screw up my days, and drink the damn Kool-Aid. After all, if the majority of my countrymen feel this way, who am I to stand up and disagree? What, just because I tend to delve deeper into issues and uncover what looks like reality? What’s *real* is what most people *tell me* is real.

 

I have to accept that.

 

I now join the ranks of Mark Meadows and Kayliegh McEnany, and wholeheartedly adopt their reverence of ‘alternative facts.’

 

Call me the newest convert.

 

And look out, you BLM/antifa protesters. I was with you once, but next time look for the newly-enlightened me. I’ll be happily pepper-spraying you in the face, in order to ‘keep the peace.’ You deserve it.